Open Letter to Bobby Rahal

Roggespierre channels Ed Hinton:

Dear Bobby Rahal,

Sir, you are not entitled to the racing series you want. Telling Autosport this week that you "would like to see the (IndyCar) series take on more road courses," serves no purpose except, perhaps, to elicit more creepily smug nods of approval from Gordon Kirby.

Look, we know that you love road racing, and for good reason. You were very good at it, your son appears to be good at it, and the SCCA ceremonially kisses your derriere as a matter of course. Harmless matters, these.

What's more, the chicks tend to be hotter at road and street races, and drunker, too. (Roggespierre offers this insight for citizens who don't comprehend the lingering, post-mergification, bitterness.)

Anyway, Bob, we suspect you're still feeling the sting from your one-race NASCAR (sans-culottes!) nightmare with the Wood Brothers - the Confederate Flags, the Rebel Yells, and the yahoos who still call you Bobby Ray Hall.

Regardless, your sizable ego is invested in twisty-course racing, just as Foyt's is enmeshed with Indy, although Danton swears he remembers Foyt actually winning at Le Mans. (GJD asks that you take no offense.)

But whatever it may be that you and other insiders like is of no consequence now. As a wise man once said, "Ah! It's a profit deal."

Bob, you and your "fellow" team owners - Roggespierre uses the term loosely - can not afford to race the way you want. You can't even afford to race in the IRL. There is no one to bequeath you another multi-year sponsorship. BEA Systems was acquired by Oracle, a company, you might recall, that goes racing only with Randy Lewis. Danton tells me the Argent guys aren't having the Best of Times, either. Then again, it seems they only wanted Danica, anyway.

The IndyCar Series will race where and when you and your "fellow" team owners can afford it. This is a fundamentally good idea. Decisions based on the preferences of suppliers - and that is what the teams are - can be no more. The enablers - CART shareholders, Kalkhoven's wallet, Forsythe's mattress and the Speedway's big room where they count the money - are all gone.

For your sake, Bob, Roggespierre hopes that the aristocrats at BMW (Huns!) continue to fund that ladder-to-nowhere series you're operating. But please remember that the manufacturer-as-sponsor model hasn't worked all that well for racing enterprises that actually require fans. Incidentally, did you know that Stanford Business School published a case study on the economic failure that was the San Jose Grand Prix? It's true. Roggespierre has a copy.

So, Bob, we beseech you; confess your counterrevolutionary sensibilities. Recognize that you and like-minded insiders don't call the shots anymore. If citizens show up for road and street races, then road and street races there will be. But if fans should prefer to watch Indy cars race at the Kosciusko County Fairgrounds, then so shall they have it.

Your resume is impressive, Bob, and the Republic likes you very much. Roggespierre gave a hearty cheer when you snookered Coogan on the last restart in '86. That is why he so wants to help you understand that the Glorious People shall have what they will!

And so, Bobby Ray, take heed and remain silent. Celebrate your achievements, even as you take pride in Graham's. Denounce power and princes, and stifle your Machiavellian proclivities.

Go forth and help the IndyCar Series serve its true customers. We deserve it.

Roggespierre